November 18, 2012

We Ain't Nothing But Mammals

Sex. That word alone radiates passion, intimacy, romanticism, an overpowering sensation,
plain ol' awkwardness.  

It has occurred to me that although sex is one of the most natural acts of the human species (or any species really)and yet the aftermath doesn't seem very natural. At all. 

If you're in a serious relationship, we get it; you bang for 10min and go straight to sleep right afterwards.You don't fall in this category.

I'm advocating for the lonely souled individuals trying to find that happy median with someone who their either casually dating, and/or seeing (thrusting) a friend whom you share this dance with. 

Here are some necessary points I'd like to make:

1. The "No call/text"

Since we have already established that sex is gawky all in itself, you not communicating afterwards even if just as friends (who happened to bang) makes shit unbearably awkward.

It makes it feel like one of the two was a bad bang which then in leads to a trifecta of self-doubt, which inevitably just becomes too much of a hassle to deal with so you call it dun-zo.

Set yourself a reminder if you have to, just shoot your bang-pal a text saying something completely out of the ordinary. An ice-breaker, sort of speak.

Don't say shit like "So, that was amazing. Let's do it again soon" 'cause - 1. You'll sound like a total amateur and, 2. You're giving the other person way too much stamina and the next time will be amazingly dreadful.

Oh, and once you do communicate don't psycho-analyze every gesture as follows: "Did she say hey instead of hi, 'cause you know that means she's a lesbian right?" or "I text him 3 hours ago, and still no response. I knew I should have gone down on him."

You don't have to communicate right after sex, but sometime shortly after will do. Like 2 days, max. And then things shall progress as they should, or shouldn't.

We like feeling like we're on the edge but not too fond about being left there.   

2. The "Cuddle? What am I, a Teddy Bear?"

Guys, us females are undeniably fucked in the heads. We know this. We need constant attention and validation. Please don't make it harder on us or yourselves. You don't need to unwind your so-called love for us and combine it with butterflies and compromises.

Just spoon or lay there (like a corpse, if you need to) with us for a good 6 min after sex, and you'll most likely be in the clear for the next bang. Even if cuddling after sex seems mediocre and not your style, dodge in a stroke on the cheek or even a high-five. Okay, maybe not a high-five, but something to make us feel a little less used and little more wanted. We were whore enough for you, now be gentlemen enough for us.

If it's worth another bang, of course. If not, well.. run. Fast.

3. The "Emotional Drag"

Alright, speaking for both genitals here. Sex doesn't necessarily mean you both (or three) are going to fall in love, get married, have bastard children, get Alzheimer's and die in each others arms in a retirement facility.

Sex is sometimes just that, sex.

I mean, don't get me wrong, if you're anything like me, there at least has to be an amount of feeling and intellectual luring for me to even lay my lips on you let alone, bang. But it doesn't mean that if we do end up banging, you have any jurisdiction or say over me as I don't over you.

Over time, when you sit down with your bang-pal and have a serious conversation over the matter about possibly taking things to the next level, only then do you start to have some kind of lee-way in each others lives.

Up until that moment though, if he/she isn't your significant other, they don't owe you shit. Not an immediate text response, an explanation over your whereabouts, soup when you're sick --
n o t h i n g. Now, that doesn't mean treat each other like ball-sack. Especially if you both are friends first and foremost, before being bang-mates.

I personally think it's bullshit to believe that friendship and romance are different. They're really not, if you think about it. They're both variations of the same desire to be close. Maybe not like, let's make-out close. But, close.. enough.

All the same, you still have to withhold an emotional stability and consciousness that the act of sex isn't always the gateway to the amends of love. 

"Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant"
- that's all I really meant to say.

Stay awkward.

(As also Published on Elite Daily) 

1 comment:

  1. I enjoyed reading your insight into the relations two individuals may have with one another given: time, affection or poor judgement. I find interesting and , please do correct me if I'm mistaken, the word attraction doesn't change unless given another subject matter it's. For example a romantic attraction to them or friendly attraction. The act of sex has shown correlation to trigger oxytocin levels in the brain. The two individuals then come to the conclusion that sex is the ammends of love. All that was experienced was a chemical high. In short I agree it isn't necessary to be an ass always to yoir bang but that doesn't mean anything is owed other than common decency.
    " love is acceptable insanity in motion , sex is the drive to satisfy the body ".