November 27, 2012

Confessions of A Hopeless Romantic: Vol. 1

1) I know you probably think I'm a passive aggressive bitch from planet Schizophrenia, but I'm honestly not trying to mess with your head. I want to tell you so bad how much you actually mean to me, but I won't. Because I don't want you to mean anything to me. You have that all-I-think-about-all-day-want-to-talk-to-all-the-time potential that makes me kind of shit bricks because that is the second to last thing that I want (The very last would be a Doomsday).

It's not because you're not worthy enough; we're just not worthy enough. At least for right now. In the meantime though, would you mind just telling me you love me and how you can't stop thinking about me, and call me I'm pretty, etc.

I long and crave for that. But, from you.

2) I'd by lying if I said that us getting back together doesn't cross my mind. Every three days or so. Especially through this vital time of the year where just two & a half years ago, we stood high and very much in love. -- Or rather in the idea of it.

Actually, fuck that. It was love because that's what we created it to be and it was fucking beautiful. It's harder now when I see you; everything that just a couple of months ago was second nature to us, becomes completely dismembered and swallowed.

You have unknowingly set the template for everyone I meet, for the rest of my life. Your pictures aren't even facing down yet in what used to be our home. You're still in my heart, and always will be. I'd probably marry the shit out of you, one day. But, you know that. And if you didn't, well now you do.

3) I like how I can throw any sentence at you and not worry about whether it was too much. I like that you make me feel liberated and completely out of my element. I like how I can basically tell you anything, and you don't judge. But, I'm still debating on whether or not I like you. And that may be because... well, you're a freaking douche. A really cute one.

You speak in cryptic language and religiously practice all kinds of puns that I can appreciate till it just becomes utterly exhausting and well, annoying. I'm just way past that phase. I'm down for games, but physical ones. Not mind ones.

4) It is approximately 2:27am and I'm thinking of 10 things at the same time; 3 in which have to do with you. Even while I'm writing this out.

Get out of my head. K'thnxbai.

5) I don't want to come off like I am my own emotional terrorist whose so pathetically caught up and fond of this hopeless romantic crap.

Because I'm not...

Yeah, this is where you call bullshit.

Signed, -S

November 18, 2012

We Ain't Nothing But Mammals

Sex. That word alone radiates passion, intimacy, romanticism, an overpowering sensation,
plain ol' awkwardness.  

It has occurred to me that although sex is one of the most natural acts of the human species (or any species really)and yet the aftermath doesn't seem very natural. At all. 

If you're in a serious relationship, we get it; you bang for 10min and go straight to sleep right afterwards.You don't fall in this category.

I'm advocating for the lonely souled individuals trying to find that happy median with someone who their either casually dating, and/or seeing (thrusting) a friend whom you share this dance with. 

Here are some necessary points I'd like to make:

1. The "No call/text"

Since we have already established that sex is gawky all in itself, you not communicating afterwards even if just as friends (who happened to bang) makes shit unbearably awkward.

It makes it feel like one of the two was a bad bang which then in leads to a trifecta of self-doubt, which inevitably just becomes too much of a hassle to deal with so you call it dun-zo.

Set yourself a reminder if you have to, just shoot your bang-pal a text saying something completely out of the ordinary. An ice-breaker, sort of speak.

Don't say shit like "So, that was amazing. Let's do it again soon" 'cause - 1. You'll sound like a total amateur and, 2. You're giving the other person way too much stamina and the next time will be amazingly dreadful.

Oh, and once you do communicate don't psycho-analyze every gesture as follows: "Did she say hey instead of hi, 'cause you know that means she's a lesbian right?" or "I text him 3 hours ago, and still no response. I knew I should have gone down on him."

You don't have to communicate right after sex, but sometime shortly after will do. Like 2 days, max. And then things shall progress as they should, or shouldn't.

We like feeling like we're on the edge but not too fond about being left there.   

2. The "Cuddle? What am I, a Teddy Bear?"

Guys, us females are undeniably fucked in the heads. We know this. We need constant attention and validation. Please don't make it harder on us or yourselves. You don't need to unwind your so-called love for us and combine it with butterflies and compromises.

Just spoon or lay there (like a corpse, if you need to) with us for a good 6 min after sex, and you'll most likely be in the clear for the next bang. Even if cuddling after sex seems mediocre and not your style, dodge in a stroke on the cheek or even a high-five. Okay, maybe not a high-five, but something to make us feel a little less used and little more wanted. We were whore enough for you, now be gentlemen enough for us.

If it's worth another bang, of course. If not, well.. run. Fast.

3. The "Emotional Drag"

Alright, speaking for both genitals here. Sex doesn't necessarily mean you both (or three) are going to fall in love, get married, have bastard children, get Alzheimer's and die in each others arms in a retirement facility.

Sex is sometimes just that, sex.

I mean, don't get me wrong, if you're anything like me, there at least has to be an amount of feeling and intellectual luring for me to even lay my lips on you let alone, bang. But it doesn't mean that if we do end up banging, you have any jurisdiction or say over me as I don't over you.

Over time, when you sit down with your bang-pal and have a serious conversation over the matter about possibly taking things to the next level, only then do you start to have some kind of lee-way in each others lives.

Up until that moment though, if he/she isn't your significant other, they don't owe you shit. Not an immediate text response, an explanation over your whereabouts, soup when you're sick --
n o t h i n g. Now, that doesn't mean treat each other like ball-sack. Especially if you both are friends first and foremost, before being bang-mates.

I personally think it's bullshit to believe that friendship and romance are different. They're really not, if you think about it. They're both variations of the same desire to be close. Maybe not like, let's make-out close. But, close.. enough.

All the same, you still have to withhold an emotional stability and consciousness that the act of sex isn't always the gateway to the amends of love. 

"Drink up, young man. It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant"
- that's all I really meant to say.

Stay awkward.

(As also Published on Elite Daily) 

November 6, 2012

Is 'Love' Really to Blame?

Premeditated Warning: I'm about to get in touch with my inner hopeless romantic ego (more like outer), and discuss about the one thing that the 21st Century hates to admit and feel:
More and more, I've noticed society has become rather nonchalant and dismissive of love and all that it pertains. Mostly because, well, they've had some pretty crappy experiences on the matter making them reconsider if a concept as this is even seen as valuable anymore.  
It's evident why we may feel this animosity towards love, but the question lies in: Is it rational? 
The kind of love we're use to is bonded with unrealistic and foolish expectations about achieving ultimate happiness.
In other words, it's not love.
So the kind of love that we love to hate, is actually the falsely presumed one we mashed up in our heads with our own pre-mature experiences.
We as individuals, are on this constant, tragic search for someone who fits a supposed fixed criteria that may or may not be obtainable, and we dismantle when it falls short, more often than not. Though, we fail to recognize that love doesn't take requests.
We get what we give. But through certain junctures of our lives, we also get what we need; to learn and to grow.  
For a moment, consider the power of destiny. A lot of you may be reading this right now and thinking, "Here we go. Yet another cryptic belief that is so utterly ridiculous." -- And you're right. Destiny is pretty ridiculous and often times, incomprehensible. But, I challenge you to be more perceptive of your surroundings and recognize why you decided to go that specific bar, at that specific time, while running into a long-lost pal. Or, why you suddenly craved a pastry from your favorite coffee shop and ran into that bearded guy who openly admired your choice of carrot cake.  
These events unfold, for better or for worse. No one can predict the intentions of others, and often times, we become blinded by the hate that we employ from the harmful ones. Yet, that's the very magic of love; it takes no precautions. You either fall and are gracefully caught. Or, you face plant to the ground -- Or, both. 
Getting our hearts broken sucks, and it's difficult to not get caught up in a blame-game or on an anti-love rampage. It's way easier to generalize and antagonize a beautiful notion such as love, than to accept our faults and build the courage to give it another go.

Instead, we contemplate all seven deadly sins against our exes, in hopes that it'll aid the hurt. We pinpoint every flaw of his or hers and dissect what went wrong. The ambiguous statuses and tweets begin to take a toll. You feel an overwhelming rage and want to hate every single thing about them, but you can't. Those once adored parts of that person will always seem to stand out against the bad ones. Mostly because, a lot of those parts also became a part of you.
So, next time you feel that loathing venom grip your heart, think about the strength you obtained from that break up. Think about the lesson(s) you grasped from that asshole who decided to toy with you and your feelings. And most importantly, think about how much you learned about yourself, despite the pain he/she may have caused you. 

Once you've reflected, all you'll feel for the schmuck is gratitude.

Like anything else that resonates within us, love has its quirks but it also has its perks. But an even bigger reality of love is that we gain so much more than we lose.

We gain hope, and that hope fuels a better you.

You can gag now.
(Published & Edited on Elite Daily