October 28, 2012

If I Wasn't Such a Hypocrite, I'd Take My Own Advice

Often times, you have that one friend that approaches you in need of direction or advice when dealing with lifes' lemons; relationships, self-impediment, and just day-to-day difficult situations.

You feel humbled and so you embrace these moments of need in high regard -- Meanwhile you embody Oprah Winfrey.

You feel entitled and notable because your friend was drawn to you in times of struggle for a life lesson or two. So naturally, you feel you must be doing something right... right?

Well, no.

We absolutely love giving others advice that we fail to implement on our own lives. Hypocrisy at it's finest, some might argue. The satisfaction is in full until it is us in need of guidance and so we go to another friend that we feel has their shit together, and the trifecta continues.

Here's what they would say (and not apply):

1. Stop saying you could care less, when in reality you couldn't care more.

There is a certain proud inclination amongst the young folk of this generation to follow a sort of societal (and lyrical) protocol insisting that we care and feel less. Now that I am a little older and perhaps wiser, I can honestly say that most of the time I have said "I don't give a shit" or anything along those lines, chances are I was either just embodying some catchy rap song or my pride dug in too deep to admit that I genuinely did care a great deal. 

Now a' days it seems as though thoroughly caring about someone or something is considered weakness or a form of devaluing yourself, when in fact, we all see right through your facade and the only thing you're actually "devaluing" is your authenticity.

Be natural. Whether it feels wrong or right, follow your own intuition. There is no shame in concerning yourself with others, no matter the degree. Allow yourself to feel anything and everything. I mean, really, what do you have to lose? Besides your dignity... only kidding! No, but really, worst case scenario of texting that asshole is that he/she doesn't text you back. In which case, you validate to yourself for the 5th or 6th time (you've probably lost count by now), that he/she is indeed an asshole, and move the fuck on. 

I'm serious.

2.  Don't regret -

Because everything you did, at one point or another, was exactly what you wanted. Even if it didn't turn out to be the most beneficial decision, take it as life's many experiences that will (hopefully) instill some wisdom to know and do better. 

Just try not to dramatize or sit in your pajamas all weekend with an oversized bag of Garden Salsa Sun Chips and a carton of Pistachio ice-cream, analyzing the crap out of it til' you decide it's time to finally sleep.

This is what life is about. Make mistakes, be an idiot, date an asshole, but realize that these mistakes sometimes come with moderately light to heavy baggage - And baggage usually means, being pissed on. Maybe sometimes literally (Refer toGirl Peeing on Unconscious Man).


3. Stop dwelling.

Sometimes we find ourselves exhausting the "coulda, woulda, shoulda" - A habit that can leave us stagnant in just always feeling like we could have done something differently to change whatever it is we wanted the outcome to be, aka control freak

Here are my two cents though: if you coulda, woulda, shoulda and you didn't, then there's your answer; as simple as it gets. 

There was obviously something impeding you, making you re-consider to coulda, woulda, shoulda approach whatever it was that was conflicting you to freely make a decision in the first place. If you have to think about it too much, chances are it might not something you want to be exploiting in anyway. 


4. Be bold & be yourself.

As corny and cliche as this may sound, it is still no surprise at how often we avoid it. 

Conventionally, it seems as though it is a "safer" approach to dim yourself down when meeting people for the first time. Mostly because you don't want them to think you're a nut right off the bat and then completely discard of you without realizing you're at least 75% sane. So guilty.

But you know what I've realized? Not only do you repress who you are initially, but you never end up building the courage to fully commit to being who it is you truly are because of the predisposed notion that you'll be exiled immediately. 

If you're messed up in the head or consistently having weird and random thoughts, let that shit out. Talk about it, sing about it, or write about it.. *chuckles*. You'd be pleasantly surprised at how many people you'll find that are as twisted in the head as you. Or, if you're a huge Star Wars fan or are really into Dragon Ball Z or Pokemon - I mean, do you realize how engagingly sexy that is? It also means you're a freaking human with actual interests and cue in, con-ver-sa-tion

This is an epidemic!
Now excuse me, while I completely disregard everything I just wrote. 

-signed, S

October 25, 2012

5 Things I've Done That I'm Not Proud Of

I'm jotting it down to 5 things because we can probably sit here for an eternity before I get through. Oh, and jotting it down to just 5 also means I have to think of the worst and work my way down, which is just as long. So if you haven't already guessed from all my blabbering, this is gonna take awhile.

In no particular order: 

1) Upon a rather vulnerable time in my life (every two days or so), I called a once-adored dude pretending to be shitfaced. If I hadn't pretended, then I'd have nothing to blame his negligence on but my sanity -- Which is ten times more pathetic. I'd rather just be six times more pathetic -- As my subconscious demands.

2) I (unsuccessfully) pee'd in a water bottle, once. Never will I attempt to do so again.


3) I've consciously lied and manipulated to get my way during arguments with loved ones.


4.) I once (overly) faked an orgasm and made up that I began feel a lot of pain only so he would stop the awful thrusting.


5) I became a groupie.

I started to feel hardcore rejection from this one guy, which had never happened to me prior to this turn-down. It was tough to manage and inevitably, all insecurites began to challenge my sanity.

So, forwarding through all the douche-y gestures of him making out with another girl at a nightclub (in front of my face), consecutively ditching me, etc., I started to grow a connection with his... best friend.

At first, it was an unconscious way of me feeling better about myself. His friend initiated through giving me the attention I oh-so longed for, even if it wasn't exactly whom I craved it from. Then, clarity struck, followed by anger pitching in at it's peak. The rejection started to take a toll on me to where I wound up in a cliche of revenge. It soon developed as a scheme to make Best Friend A feel as solemnly rejected as I felt. But see, vengeance never really ever falls in the favor of a hopeless romantic -- I soon after, began to grow feelings for Best Friend B.

(Lol, sorry.. referencing them as if I'm solving a math problem is making me giggle and feel like a total dickface at the same time).

Continuing --

Well, there is no resuming. It all ended as tragic and dramatic as it intended. I ultimately received all the ridicule and shame, as I am the a female and "I should know better".

If my wannabe pity-story wasn't up-front enough, here's what I took from it: No matter how rejected I felt from Best Friend A and no matter how hard I tried to victimize myself into thinking he was the one at fault, in no shape or form was it right for me to follow through into any kind of relationship with his best friend. Especially when I was still ga-ga over Best Friend A.

There are too many fish in the sea to get caught up in a dowry between two close fishies. That's like Nemo dating Dory after Dory and Nemo's dad had a thing.

Just don't do it.

Did I really just write this shit?

Signed, -S

October 23, 2012

Let's Talk, Make-Out & Stuff

Fuck buddies and Friends With Benefits, two of which are fundamentally the same, yet still very much different. Are you looking for a casual sex with someone whom you text at 2am all hot and bothered where you pretty much greet with no clothes on and very little articulation of words? Or are you looking for a friend where you enjoy each others company and/or private parts, for as long as you both desire to?

Most people including myself, still haven't managed to tell the total difference between the two. Or better said, haven't met the right person to be able to tell a difference between the two. Let me first clarify by saying, be honest. First and foremost with yourself and then to who ever it is you'd like to take to funky town. When you say "I don't want anything serious" do you really mean "I don't want anything serious right now" or are you really demeaning all emotion, in which case, I should take notes. 

I recently got out of a rather serious long-term, relationship. So it's interesting how I'm now finding myself wanting the exact opposite of that at this very milestone in my life. People change, and feeling re-arrange, I'm aware and evidently prepared for that. But for the moments notice, I'm ultimately looking for most of everything that a relationship entails which is consistency (friendship, conversation, sex, casual outings, sex, and sex). Everything but the official enclosure/title while  withholding that we're both ultimately single.

Problem is, I have this gross habit of being a hopeless romantic and if I like you, well... you'll be forced to grow a fond of mixtapes and yeah, just run. Scratch that, sprint. But get ready for it, THAT RARELY HAPPENS. In all seriousness, it takes much, much more than just looks and charm for me to start counting flower pedals. I need intriguing conversations with compliments that end in insults. But really -- I need to be mentally challenged/banged before the physical challenge/banging commences.

I mean, is there any rational sense in having this loathsome condition of being a hopeless romantic if I'm basically forced to keep it all to myself? Answer is, no. It freaking sucks. If I was more romantic *cough* with myself or at all really, maybe it wouldn't be such a downfall.

So, what have I been doing you ask (or not asking but I'll tell you anyway)? I've been casually dating. That sounds much more appealing than what it is. By casually dating, I mean I've gone out with two guys since my break-up. One in which, completely and utterly bored me with all these fancy outings where the least valuable belonging was, well me. And the other, surprisingly fascinated me with his mind and ability to keep up with my punch-lines. Sounds just like my cup 'o tea, right? So, I continued to see him and after laying everything out on the table on and after all our orgasmic conversations, it eventually led to an actual orgasm. Sounds too good to be true, I know.

-- That's because it was. Conversation soon after the sex went from zero to none and because of that, my interest (vagina) suddenly didn't feel quite as intrigued. Somewhere along the lines of downing bottles of wine, watching sunrises on the beach and rummaging through bed-sheets, something changed. Maybe it was the act of having sex (which would obviously be insulting to one of us, or both) , or maybe we just weren't as compatible for this rodeo as I thought we were. I don't know.

My question is:

Is it possible to get the best of both worlds where both individuals work in the favor of one another? Or are we all just naturally doomed to being selfishly alone in that department?

I guess I won't know till my next orgasm. Don't hold your breath.

Signed,  -S

Intro -

Sofia. Not Sofi (as she'll guess you named your pet).

Not "Sof" (the 'a' that naturally follows would feel tempted to sway in there), and definitely not "Sofa" (see that).

She was born in Velletri, Italy -- and yet, proclaims she is more Latina with Spanish being her first spoken language. Not to mention haven gone though a lifetime of arepas her Venezuelan mother prepares for her on occasion.

She used to live in Miami, and now resides by the cyan waters of Boca Raton, Fl.

She has a pretty maddening tendency to "vomit" all her thoughts all over the page; almost every thought of hers needs a sub-thought.

However, not many people can translate feelings to words thoroughly and with virtue. It's a lost language that can't be taught.

Even if it does require keeping a hefty brown bag and Advil in arm's reach.