October 23, 2012

Let's Talk, Make-Out & Stuff

Fuck buddies and Friends With Benefits, two of which are fundamentally the same, yet still very much different. Are you looking for a casual sex with someone whom you text at 2am all hot and bothered where you pretty much greet with no clothes on and very little articulation of words? Or are you looking for a friend where you enjoy each others company and/or private parts, for as long as you both desire to?

Most people including myself, still haven't managed to tell the total difference between the two. Or better said, haven't met the right person to be able to tell a difference between the two. Let me first clarify by saying, be honest. First and foremost with yourself and then to who ever it is you'd like to take to funky town. When you say "I don't want anything serious" do you really mean "I don't want anything serious right now" or are you really demeaning all emotion, in which case, I should take notes. 

I recently got out of a rather serious long-term, relationship. So it's interesting how I'm now finding myself wanting the exact opposite of that at this very milestone in my life. People change, and feeling re-arrange, I'm aware and evidently prepared for that. But for the moments notice, I'm ultimately looking for most of everything that a relationship entails which is consistency (friendship, conversation, sex, casual outings, sex, and sex). Everything but the official enclosure/title while  withholding that we're both ultimately single.

Problem is, I have this gross habit of being a hopeless romantic and if I like you, well... you'll be forced to grow a fond of mixtapes and yeah, just run. Scratch that, sprint. But get ready for it, THAT RARELY HAPPENS. In all seriousness, it takes much, much more than just looks and charm for me to start counting flower pedals. I need intriguing conversations with compliments that end in insults. But really -- I need to be mentally challenged/banged before the physical challenge/banging commences.

I mean, is there any rational sense in having this loathsome condition of being a hopeless romantic if I'm basically forced to keep it all to myself? Answer is, no. It freaking sucks. If I was more romantic *cough* with myself or at all really, maybe it wouldn't be such a downfall.

So, what have I been doing you ask (or not asking but I'll tell you anyway)? I've been casually dating. That sounds much more appealing than what it is. By casually dating, I mean I've gone out with two guys since my break-up. One in which, completely and utterly bored me with all these fancy outings where the least valuable belonging was, well me. And the other, surprisingly fascinated me with his mind and ability to keep up with my punch-lines. Sounds just like my cup 'o tea, right? So, I continued to see him and after laying everything out on the table on and after all our orgasmic conversations, it eventually led to an actual orgasm. Sounds too good to be true, I know.

-- That's because it was. Conversation soon after the sex went from zero to none and because of that, my interest (vagina) suddenly didn't feel quite as intrigued. Somewhere along the lines of downing bottles of wine, watching sunrises on the beach and rummaging through bed-sheets, something changed. Maybe it was the act of having sex (which would obviously be insulting to one of us, or both) , or maybe we just weren't as compatible for this rodeo as I thought we were. I don't know.

My question is:

Is it possible to get the best of both worlds where both individuals work in the favor of one another? Or are we all just naturally doomed to being selfishly alone in that department?

I guess I won't know till my next orgasm. Don't hold your breath.

Signed,  -S

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